We're back, after having eaten our way across the South. 3,852 miles total. Back from the land of lift-kits and mascara. We saw aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, museums, monuments, hurricane damage, cherry cokes, barbecue, record high temperatures, and thankfully no snow. We had a picnic, in DECEMBER, at the foot of the San Jacinto Monument. We returned with 32 stuffed animals, no, not the taxidermy kind.

Some quotes from the trip, some unattributed to protect the identity of the accused:

Me (waking up): Sweet Jesus!
Laura: I know, he's all over the road.
Me (ignoring the weaving Explorer ahead of us in traffic): No, there's a Sonic at the next exit.

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Me: Ummmmm, I think the dog might be deaf now.

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Maggie: I don't like anything.

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Me: There's no exit wound!

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Abby: Raccoon tracks!

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Me: Bobo took down the Mexican!

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Me: $6 to see butterflies? For that, the butterflies better swoop down and kiss me on the nose.

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May of '07? That's like a promise-ring kind of engagement!

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We can just push-start it.

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Abby: The ranch is perfect, I want to stay here forever.

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Me: And then the front-desk clerk stepped off the elevator as I came out of the stairwell. Luckily, she didn't notice the dog under my arm.

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